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//Wednesday, May 21, 2008 8:47:00 PM
everything came crashing down
today is the 21st day since u left me, thrown me away. perhaps a stranger to you too. you may say, you are not casting me aside, not treating me like stranger. but what you are doing is already treating me like stranger. i really wonder. what have i done to deserve this? maybe i am not a good girlfriend. but have u been a good boyfriend? ask yourself. all i wanted is so simple. i don't want don't need any promises from you. all i want is you to love me. is it that difficult? you made so many promises to me. u told me so many things. but everything up to now, are all lies. am i your toy? after the exciting moment, u chunk me aside, like old toys? it has been 21 days. i have been crying everyday, putting a mask everyday. i am tired.. really. i guess those tears would add up to be 1 sixth of ice mountain bottle. or even more? everyday i would wake up with my eyes swollen. did u know that? i doubt so. i walk bobby everyday now without you. still remember u will call me. and accompany me. bcos' u said it is late, not safe for a girl to be outside. u used to be so, caring and sweet. where has it gone to? how can one's personality change so fast? every single day. i am regretting. i regret why did i ask what happened between us in the restaurant. if i hadn't ask, maybe things wouldn't be this way. i would hold on to you, and never let you slip away. you may be a jerk, a bad guy, a heartless guy who break my heart. but my heart is still looking out for you although it is broken. today is the 3rd day you did not msg me. are you drawing lines already? why? why don't want to talk to me anymore? i am so confused. i want to really want to talk to you. but i really don't understand why am i always the one taking initiative? can't you be a little more auto? i feared. i fear 1st of June. i really do. i don't know how to face that day. I want to be with you. tho, i may sound very stupid now. choy yih i know, i shouldn't go back to him. but i can't help it. may be i can say i really love him too much, maybe more than he loved me. to me, he already marked deep importance in my life. i can't just walk out of his life like that tho he is doing this to me. you may have stab me with a knife. but life without you is worst than that. but i am not saying i will die without you, but rather, life is empty without you. i am now like living in darkness. just like last time. you picked me up and why do you let go now? drop from so heaven back to hell. sigh... why leave me... why did u choose your interest over me? why would u rather your time spend on interest than me? love is a feeling, not an interest. how can u compare me with interest? why? how? ... 爱情不是等你有空才珍惜的, 久而久之, 我只活在你回忆里. i don't want to live in your memory. i don't want ! i don't want ....
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